Smiling Gods
by Ihonestlydontknowanymore
Summary: Edward Elric was tired of being the plaything of the gods. The first time was maybe his fault, but really, this was getting ridiculous!
1. Chapter 1

Edward Elric was not having the best day. The whole Final Battle against Father and co was understandably horrifying, he had lost several friends, and was in such an adrenaline-pumped state that he hadn't had the chance to fully register their deaths. And his brother. His reckless, beautiful, baby brother, had just sacrificed himself in order to protect him - and that was bullshit. Ed hadn't spend all these years, watched all those people, those _friends,_ die, just to let Alphonse throw away his soul at the last moment. Ed stared at the battered hunk of metal that had held his brother for so long. He pulled his lips into a desperate expression. A smile, or a grimace, he wasn't quite sure. Falling to the ground, he clutched his head desperately with his two human hands, hoping to pull an idea out of _somewhere._ There was a way to get his brother back, he just had to think of it. It had to be possible. It had to be.

 _Listeners, as you may or may not know, depending upon your views on the concept and reliability of knowledge, or your proximity to downtown Night Vale, a large door has appeared in the parking lot of the_ Arby's _. It is not made out of oak, witnesses report, but it does appear very old. It is just to the right of the spot where the floating lights can be seen in the sky every day except Tuesday and covered in intricate carvings and arcane and powerful symbol which nobody at the Arby's or surrounding stores were able to read when asked, so take that as you will. The door is on the ground though, and it is blocking several parking spots in the_ Arby's, _but there are other parking spots available, so don't expect the door to stop you from getting a delicious ham and pencil shavings sandwich at this lovely establishment. Arby's: Fill your temporary body with as many pleasures as you can before you deteriorate to the point where you cannot! Well, nothing else very exciting is happening today in Night Vale, so we'll keep you posted on any updates on the door, or maybe we won't, it depends on if it does something interesting. Whatever. Here's traffic._

Ed stood in the expanse of white and wondered what the word was for the opposite of claustrophobia. The being without a proper face, the omnipotent grinning creature with his emaciated leg grafted onto its otherwise featureless form, was sitting on the whiteness, where someone had determined there was a floor, or ground, or something. The black flickering spots were the only separation between the white of _it_ and the white of _everything else._ They looked like flies, those dots. They buzzed silently. Ed's head hurt. The Being grinned at him, did it ever stop grinning? That must hurt its mouth. Did it have muscles?

"Hello _Alchemist,"_ It said musically. It's voice buzzed in his teeth and filled the whiteness. "Come for your brother?"

Ed nodded, he wasn't sure what the proper response was to this situation.

"What will you give me in return?" The creature was gleeful, its body language suggested jubilation at the possibilities of suffering and sacrifice the alchemist was about to offer up.

Ed smiled, wide as he could, trying to give the Being a run for its money, although he didn't think he was anatomically built for that to be possible. He gestured casually at the towering door behind him.

"This thing is mine right?" He said it with confidence and a significant amount of concealed hope. "I'll give you this. It contains all alchemical knowledge right? Seems like more than a fair trade."

Truth grinned even wider before bursting into joyfully malicious laughter.

"You really thought that would work?" It was wheezing. Edward hadn't thought the thing needed to breath "I've thought too highly of your intelligence it seems! Alchemy is a _Natural Law_. Any creature that can draw a transmutation circle and do some simple calculations can be an alchemist. I can't take it away from you as much as I can vanquish Gravity of thwart the Passing of Time! And really, _Alchemist,_ what would you really lose if I took away your _special talent?_ Nothing you wouldn't happily throw away. No, you were foolish enough to come here, and you're going to have to give me something you really _need_ in order to save your precious brother!"

Ed felt as though all of his internal organs hand been remove and stomped on. There was a very tangible throbbing ache in his chest. He had been so sure that he'd figured it out! He'd been positive that Truth had been trying to teach him some damned lesson about values and arrogance, but it seemed the evil thing just wanted to make people suffer. The Being was watching him, absolute glee on its nearly absent face. _Well fuck._


	2. Chapter 2

"Now there are very few things that can be traded for your brother Edward Elric. You'll need something better than an arm if you want more than a piece of him."

Edward's mind was whirling. He felt dizzy. He wasn't stupid. He knew what he had to trade, but damn him, he was terrified. He'd die for his brother in a heartbeat, but trading himself this sadistic asshole seemed significantly worse than Oblivion or Heaven or _whatever_. And poor Al! He'd be left alone and would undoubtedly immediately throw himself back into the gate to save his older brother. There was no question that Ed was going to do it, but he needed to make sure this brother wouldn't try to sacrifice himself to save him.

Huntokar stirred in her sleep beneath the cool desert sand. It wasn't difficult for her, shifting under the weight of hundred of pounds of sand, sleeping at a pressure that would have crushed most organisms. But she was a god, and she had been in this desert for long enough for it to seep into her, and for her to pour her heart into body sang with adoration at her little town. Her mind burst with pride over its _toughness_ , its resilience, its ability to bounce back from the barrage of tragedies flung its way, a result of so many versions of itself being stacked atop one another and their tendency to bleed together. She twitched in her sleep and her bliss was tainted. She flinched at that thought. She felt the guilt at what she had done to her beautiful Night Vale always, even in sleep. The sticky heavy feeling was starting to sink uncomfortably into her semiconscious chest again, and she felt like she needed to do something about it. She couldn't do anything to save her town from the state of fracturing realities that it was currently in, the citizens of her brave Night Vale would just have to tread carefully around those jagged edges. But maybe if she did something Good, she could stave off this tar-like feeling of self-loathing. She sprouted her drowsy consciousness outward. Pushing into every reality she could find for a creature that was especially in need of Godly Help. This couldn't be an average plight. It had to be significant. It had to matter a lot, or at least enough. _Oh._ She stretched beneath the moist and gritty soil. _What a perfect addition to my town he will be._ She did the godly equivalent of a yawn. _He'll do just fine_

Truth leaned forward in anticipation. It knew that the alchemist was aware of the only choice it had given him, but It was eager to know what conditions the boy would try to tack onto the deal. It wanted to see the fear in the child's eyes when he sacrificed himself. And then It'd have eternity to entertain himself with the fiery alchemist. The kid could use a little breaking.  
dward Elric was breathing deeply now. He had his fists and jaw clenched in resignation. Any moment now.

But Truth was suddenly distracted. As the little alchemist offered himself in exchange for his brother, the God's mind was elsewhere. When the boy asked, begged really, his voice cracked and defeated, that his brother not be able to get him back. That his brother would know that please, this is what Ed wanted, Truth could feel a pressing, insistent Presence. It was quite a powerful Presence too. The Being was shocked, which in itself was shocking. It had been aware that there were other realities, and other gods, of course it had been! But its reality was to out of the way of most others, so it had been, up until this point in eternity, left to its own devices. But here was this feeling. This root-like tendril of thought which obviously belonged to something just as Old as Truth. And Truth was a little scared because of it.

 _I'll make this payment._ It was a sleepy voice. Carelessly powerful. It filled that vast blank of Truth's mind. Le _t me do that. I want to do something Good._

Truth felt the payment that this Thing was offering in substitute of the Whole of Edward Elric. A mass of energy. The boy's equivalent in raw power.

 **No** , thought Truth. **He needs to suffer too.** **Someone does.**

Truth felt a sigh from the being, it reverberated through the whole of his reality.

 _I'll take him. My domain isn't always… kind._ And Truth knew the presence meant it. Truth was disappointed, but also shaken. It wasn't used to other Gods popping in to chat, let alone bargain, and It figured it was better to lose two brothers than start conflicts with powerful gods.

 **Fine**. It said. **Have fun.**

 **Hey, sorry to anyone who tried to make sense of the tangled mess of code (? something like that) that decided to attach itself onto this fic. I guess this site doesn't like copy and paste? I tried to make it more legible. This is what it's supposed to look like.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Listeners, I am getting word that the door is opening. Witnesses report that the Place Through the Door contains a Darkness. This Darkness, according to those who have seen it, is too dark to be properly registered as black, and is therefore very much like the Void which we are all constantly and hopelessly hurtling through. Several people have also seen hands, childlike and also a similar color to the Void. These hands were attached to arms which have been described as impossibly long, and improbably reaching. And have been seen moving about the edges of the open doors._  
 _Carlos, talented and heroic scientist, and also my husband. Is scanning the doors with several complicated and very scientific scanners. He is also on the phone with me right now. Hello Carlos!_

"Hi Cecil! So, I'm currently getting readings on the door, which is now opened, and my danger meter is at 15. A few minutes ago, when the door wasn't opened, and I was at the Orange Leaf, it read 12, so based on, y'know, science, this door is most likely the cause of the rise in danger. Also Cecil, they were out of diced radishes at the Orange Leaf so I had to put turnips on your yogurt instead. Sorry Honey! Anyway, the door, or what is inside the door, I haven't been able to determine which yet, is giving off a pretty decent amount of radiation, but honestly it's about as much as is present in the radio station, and in any other town I'd say it would be a wise decision to evacuate an area of a few hundred miles as fast as possible. But _that_ radiation hasn't presented any health issues, so _this_ is probably fine. If it were a health risk it probably would have had a higher reading on my danger meter. So based on the data I've collected so far, the door isn't that much more dangerous than anywhere else in Night Vale. As long as people don't get close enough to it for one of those arms to grab them - Oh Cecil!

 _What? What is it Carlos!_

Oh, this is fascinating! There is a figure coming out of the door!

Edward Elric was confused. He'd told Truth it could have him. That he'd give himself up for his brother. He'd told it the thing he was sure Truth had wanted, again, and it had stopped smiling. Its impossibly wide mouth was slack now. Distracted, even fearful. What could possibly scare something so powerful? Ed wasn't sure he wanted to know. He watched the Being. He was breathing hard. He was still waiting for it to come back from where it was and sweep him away into nothingness, or wherever he was going to spent Forever.  
Eventually it did move. Ed flinched and braced himself for something bad, but it only looked disappointed. It also looked shaken  
"Lucky day, Alchemist," Its manyvoice sounded glum. "Someone's paid your toll for you."  
The looming door in front of him swung open heavily. The swarming mass of black arms shot out and snatched at the small alchemist greedily.  
Terrified, unsure of exactly what had transpired. Edward was limp, he let the multitude pull him forward and through the gate.


	4. Chapter 4

"Carlos had put the frozen yogurts on the dusty ground so he could better wield his scientific instruments and cell phone. This action, on second thought, might have been a poor one when considering the sandiness of the yogurts. There was definitely a bit of dirt in those by now, it was a pretty windy day. And they were starting to melt, but that was inevitable in this climate. And really, what were a few yogurts when something new and exciting was happening in front of him? Something that someone needed to make scientific notes on? This time Cecil would have no grounds to complain about snacks sacrificed in the name of science, because these ones were dying in the name of journalism as well, was Carlos not reporting what he saw to his husband and Night Vale Public Radio right now? No, this time the whole of their desert community would be able to attest to the joint efforts that were currently leading to the demise of two cups of frozen yogurt.

"The scientist squinted and pushed his glasses farther up his nose, trying to get a better view at figure quickly emerging from the darkness of the door. He was also frequently glancing at the two devices tucked against his stomach, seeing if the numbers and measurements they displayed had changed. They hadn't.

"Cecil, it seems to be a person, or something resembling a person. It's still pretty shrouded in darkness," He was moving closer to the door, curiosity making him bolder. He could see eyes reflecting the bright desert sun, and the outline of an angled face. The figure approached rapidly, and it was of a smallish adolescent. The kid was bleeding in several places, and those dark swaying arms were wrapped around him, pushing him out. The figure looked terrified, and confused, understandable feelings for a person being pushed out of a mysteriously appearing door.

Carlos watched with interest and growing concern for this person as they were dumped unceremoniously onto the hot parking lot by the mass of small black arms. After doing this, the arms retreated into the mammoth door, which closed with a thump, one which he would have described as, if he were not a scientist who did not personify inanimate objects, indignant and snappy.

The blond person, Carlos observed, stayed where they were heaped on the ground, staring off. They seemed to be quite upset. Carlos looked to see if any other citizens were going to take the initiative in interacting with this new person. He knew from personal experience that the natives of Night Vale could be a bit aggressive to newcomers, but today, nobody seemed to care about this new addition to the town. Seeing the the door had disappeared, and feeling that there wasn't much more to look at, the few scattered Night Valeans had left the parking lot, continuing their Wednesday afternoon arrends. Well, Carlos wasn't going to leave this kid by themselves, and they looked like they need medical attention. He wasn't about to let the kid make the mistake of going to the hospital.

It was hot here. That was a large portion of what Ed was able to register. Mostly though the thought swimming behind his eyes was _I'm Not Home_. Over and over again that phrase kept looping and filling his mind. He was shaking. Was Truth kidding? It had to be, who would pay his toll, it better not have been Teacher, or Mustang. He had been _sure_ they were smarter than that, and they would have brought him emback/em. To his brother. _Right?_ He really wasn't sure anymore. God he just wanted to rest. And for things to just stop being so… _much._  
Edward flinched when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and jumped to his feet, slapping the arm back as he did so.

"Oh, sorry!" Ed heard a sigh "dammit! My phone!" The man who had touched him stared forlornly at the shattered metal rectangle at their feet. "I didn't mean to startle you like that, I shouldn't have touched you without your permission, but you weren't responding when I tried talking to you. Oh, Cecil is going to be so worried." The man knelt and gingerly picked up his proclaimed phone, prodding it's broken surface with a finger.

This person definitely wasn't a threat to Ed. Or maybe he was, honestly Ed didn't really know at this point.  
"I can fix that for you," Ed said, mechanically. He hoped he could, was alchemy a something that could be performed in Wherever He Was? Truth had made it sound as though it were a constant, but Ed was pretty sure the cosmic asshole had been making some bullshit argument just to make him suffer. He took the device from the taller man and placed it back onto the ground. Clapping his hands together (he wasn't yet used to it, the sensation of having two hands), he felt the familiar hum of energy inside his body. He could sense the tiny components inside the device, all of which he recognized chemically, but in a configuration he'd never encountered. That didn't matter for this sort of thing though, he wasn't constructing anything, he just had to mend. And he did. With a flash of sparking blue light, he reattached broken components and rejoined shattered glass. The person above him gasped an excited gasp.  
How did you do that?" The man's enthusiasm was like that of a child. He looked genuinely and refreshingly fascinated. "That's fantastic!"

 **Man oh man! I didn't know how poorly edited this was! I went back and sort of fixed it? If there are any errors remaining please let me know! Thanks.**


	5. Chapter 5

Carlos brought the kid to the lab. It was the closest thing to a medical facility that he could think of that actually practiced medicine. Or, they didn't really practice medicine at the lab. But some of the research that the scientists did there could get dangerous, as could living in Night Vale, so they kept a pretty decent stock of first aid supplies there. And it was clean, although sometimes people forgot to wash beakers or supplies and they were mysteriously sticky. Really, this wasn't high school. But it was a santised enough environment for him to be comfortable treating the wounds this kid had. He also, to an almost equal extent as his want to help clean this person up, wanted to study them. It wasn't as though he didn't currently have a lot to study. The whole multiple-realities-converging-on-one-spot situation of this little town was more than enough to keep him thoroughly busy for the foreseeable future, but as a scientist, how could he possibly not look into this new and enticingly bizarre event that had dropped into his lap? And perhaps the arrival of this person and appearance of the door was connected to the bleeding realities. Other people had been slipping through the cracks between dimensions, so this individual could lead to breakthroughs in how and why that kept happening.

"Here we are," Carlos said, opening the glass door to the lab and feeling the cool rush of air conditioning hit him. "After I bandange you up I guess you can stay with us, that is, unless you have somewhere else to go. Maybe you meant to be here, maybe mysterious doors appearing in the middle of parking lots where there previously weren't mysterious doors is just your means of transportation, which is cool." He wasn't sure if he was joking, it was difficult to eliminate any possibility in Night Vale. The kid didn't respond. The kid hadn't talked on the short walk to the lab, which was okay. He hadn't spoken since they'd left the parking lot, where, after fixing Carlos's phone in a way that didn't seem to follow certain laws of the universe, not that Night Vale had a habit of following the laws of the universe, the kid had asked where he was. They had sounded pretty defeated about it, like they already knew they wouldn't like the answer.

"You're in Night Vale," Carlos had said. "You look pretty beat up, I can patch you up at the lab, I'm a scientist, so you'd be in pretty safe hands. Where are you… from." He hadn't been sure what else to say. He had hoped that fixing the kid up physically would somehow help them feel better about the whole situation.

"I'm from… Resembool, Amestris. Where's Night Vale?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure. It's rather difficult to get to from the outside, most people get here by accident, or they're called by some unknown force, but it's in the US, and somewhere in the Southwest based on climate and plant and animal life. I've never heard of Amestris, but then again I hadn't heard of Franchia or Svitz before coming here. Is it in Europe?"

The kid had looked absolutely forlorn. "Uh, no. I don't know."

"Oh," Carlos had said.

The kid was probably in shock. The thought was a little anxiety inducing for Carlos, who didn't know what to do to best help in that sort of situation, although people were often in shock in Night Vale, as bad things tended to happen there. He usually just explained what was happening scientifically as best he could, hoping that breaking things down factually helped others as much as it helped him. Usually it hadn't, but it was something.

They walked in silence past several lab benches piled with beakers and graduated cylinders, as well as messily labelled jars containing brightly colored solutions.

"Hi Nilanjana," Carlos said as they passed the woman, who didn't look up from the microscope she was currently squinting into. She put up a hand at them in a half-wave before being reabsorbed by whatever she was examining.

Carlos eventually found the cabinet which contained bandaids and antibacterial ointment. The kid was leaning against a lab bench, staring off, eyes glazed.

"Hey, I can grab a chair and take a look at your arm, you seem to have metal in it. That should probably be removed. I'm sure we've got some analgesics in here somewhere." He opened a cabinet to indicate that he needed to keep searching. The kid nodded and put a hand on his right arm. The one with the shrapnel-like bits of metal visible on the shoulder. Carlos noticed that it was a lot less muscular than his left arm, in fact it looked pretty atrophied. Weird. Interesting.

The man eventually got an office chair for him to sit in. Ed sat in it. It was odd, usually in times of crisis, when he was placed in unknown and strikingly different situations, he took action, he pushed down feelings of shock, of terror, and stayed alive. He figured out what was going on, and what he should do about it. But he was just so tired. He wanted things to work themselves out for once. He had been striving forward for so long. The Promised Day was supposed to be it. When they saved the country or died trying. But this wasn't either of those things. He'd defeated the monster, and was immediately thrown into another adventure. Or, maybe not adventure, he looked around the hospital-white lab. This place looked pretty mundane.

 **Hey I'm actually writing this? It's not very good but it's something right? It's somewhat productive. I just need to write something, and this is something. Please tell me if there are errors or stuff you liked or that I should change. I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this but it sure is somewhere.**


	6. Chapter 6

"Ah! Found it." The man in the lab coat waved a tube of gel at Ed victoriously. This should numb any pain that'll come with me removing those bits of metal from your shoulder." He paused, looking concerned "you don't need them do you? They look like they've been there for a while, the tissue seems to have grown around them."

"Oh, no." The man had already smeared generous amounts of antibacterial gel on his many cuts and scrapes, and covered them with bandages and Band-Aids, which he discovered were a type of adhesive bandage. Convenient.

He put his left arm on his right again. It was so odd, the feeling of having two arms. He kept thinking it would disappear, what was the opposite of having a phantom limb? He doubted anyone had ever had the need to invent a word for it. He wasn't planning on telling this person his life story, but he could tell the guy was suspicious. Still, he didn't seem harmful, he was fixing him up. He was a little apprehensive about having the guy digging the remnants of his automail from his shoulder, but he would have needed Winry to do it back home, and this guy had a whole lab. He probably knew what he was doing.

"Alright," the man said. He started applying the gel around the bits of metal. There weren't too many of them. A screw or a bit of plating here and there, stuff that had anchored his automail arm to the rest of his body. Thank someone that the port had been knocked off when his arm returned. It wouldn't have been pretty bad if his returned arm had that much metal lodged into it.

"If you don't mind me asking," The man started, brandishing tweezers and a scalpel. "How'd you get these? They've been in there for a while."

"I do. " Ed said, wincing a little at the feeling of knife in shoulder, and the sharpness of his words "I do mind you asking."

"Oh," The man said, looking a little deflated. "That's okay, sorry if I brought up an uncomfortable memories."

"You're okay," Ed said. Clenching both of his flesh fists.

"Oh, hey Carlos," Said a feminine voice behind Ed. He fought the urge to turn around and see who it was as the man in the lab coat, Carlos apparently, still had a scalpel pretty close to his shoulder. "That must be the kid Cecil was talking about on the radio earlier. Hi, I'm Nilanjana." It was the woman from before then. Ed made a noise of acknowledgement "Ed," he said, still trying hard not to move.

"Yeah, it is indeed the kid," Carlos said. He pulled out the last piece of metal and put it in a dish beside him. "There, now I can clean these up too. Are you hungry? Its lunch time. I think. And I definitely left those frozen yogurts in the Arby's parking lot. I guess I should go back and throw them away. We don't want street cleaners coming back, and I'm pretty sure there's a five year prison sentence for littering. "

"Oh, okay." Ed was feeling a bit better. Still tired, but not as dizzy as he was before.

"Actually I was supposed to bring food to Cecil today, my husband. Do you mind if we get stuff to go and eat at the radio station?"

"Sure," Ed didn't care all too much about the location of eating. He was starting to notice the familiar empty ache in his stomach. He didn't think he had eaten in at least a day. It was difficult to eat on the day of the apocalypse, so he hadn't.

They ended up getting pizza. It was something that Ed had had in Amestris before, but this stuff was a bit different. He had watched them make it, and it seemed to be lacking the flatbread part altogether. From what he had previously understood, pizza consisted of bread, tomato sauce, cheese, and toppings. But this stuff seemed to have forgone the bread part completely. It was a cheesy mass soaked in sauce and covered in pepperonis and strawberries, but he supposed the culture in this universe had the right to have variations from his own.

The walk to the radio station wasn't very long. Ed was really feeling much better, now that he was covered in bandages and had had time to process things. He would be able to get back, he was sure of it. He'd just trade his arm back, it would be fine. He was okay with waiting a few more hours, he'd meet Carlos' husband, they'd have dinner, and then he'd do it. He was just so hungry, and he did feel a bit bad just ditching Carlos after he'd been so kind. The station was a brick building of several stories, a monotonous rectangle with tinted windows. Carlos pulled out his rectangular device, silently handing Ed the pizza box as he did so. It buzzed, a Phone Ringing noise. Ed looked through the glass doors and into the lobby, where a receptionist, a young woman with short brown hair, stared blankly back at him.

"Hey honey, I'm outside the station, I'll be up in a few minutes."

"Yes, I'm fine, I have the person who came out of that door with me. Of course you know. Uhh," Carlos glanced at Ed and moved the Probably Telephone a little ways from his ear "hey what are your pronouns, sorry I should have asked earlier,"

Ed was a bit confused, "Uhh, I'm a boy." he answered, still watching the dead-faced receptionist.

"Oh, thank you. Yeah, I'll ask him if he'll let you interview him." He glanced at Ed, who shrugged, wondering how this man knew anything about him. Thinking back, the scientist lady seemed to know about his arrival as well.

 **Woah! An update? After a year and a half of complete silence? Crazy! Don't get too excited, I already had this stuff written, it's not like I whipped this up today or anything, but I've been re-watching FMA and am kinda in the mood. I will try to post a few more chapters. I'm not really sure where I plan to go with this but it would be neat if I actually finished a project.**


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